The problem with generic advice like, ‘if you don’t hear back from them immediately it means they’re not interested,’ is that you assume that everyone is like you.
You presume they have the same texting pace and Love Style that you do
In reality, many people are slow to respond because they:
- Are unavailable, they are driving, or at work
- They are not tied to their phone or on social media
- Are socially shy and contemplating a response
- May be an introvert and feel overwhelmed
- They need time alone to process.
But a slower texting pace doesn’t mean what you fear, that they are upset with you or they are ignoring you or withholding.
None of their so-called reasons has anything to do with you.
The problem with generic advice is all the missing nuance.
As a psychologist, I take a middle ground. You have to consider who you are and the other person as well.
I never suggest you tolerate poor behaviors but consider what the other person’s attachment style is.
You really have no idea what might be going on with them, do NOT assume you know your partner’s intentions. Nor to assume a poor intention.
Let’s stop using the term ‘ghosting’ so liberally too. Ghosting is intended when someone breaks up with you and goes no contact.
Share this with someone else who’s tired of this one size fits all advice.
Thank you for my Ted Talk. Drop me an emoji if you can relate!