I’m Dr. Diane Strachowski, a licensed psychologist, and today I want to talk about a subject that is close to my heart: midlife. Some of you might be wondering, “Am I in midlife?” Let’s explore this phase together, defining what it is, when it starts and ends, and how society views it.
Defining Midlife
Midlife is typically defined as the period in our lives that begins around the age of 40 and can extend into the 60s. It’s a time when people often experience significant changes in their personal and professional lives. The exact starting and ending points of midlife can vary greatly from person to person, influenced by factors such as health, lifestyle, and personal experiences.
When Does Midlife Start and End?
Midlife doesn’t have a clear starting or ending point. For some, it may begin in their late 30s, while others might not feel the effects until their 50s. Generally, it’s a period marked by a shift in roles and responsibilities: children growing up and becoming more independent, aging parents requiring more care, and a reassessment of personal and professional goals.
Societal Views on Midlife
Our culture has a lot to say about midlife, and these perceptions often shape our own views. Some of you listening today might be asking yourself, “Am I in midlife?” Let’s dive into what our culture says and how it affects us.
Midlife is often seen through a lens of negativity, with phrases like “midlife crisis” suggesting a time of turmoil and dissatisfaction. This notion can create anxiety and fear around this stage of life, especially for those who are approaching it. The media and societal stereotypes often portray midlife as a time of decline, focusing on physical aging and loss of youth.
Gen Z’s Fear of Aging
Interestingly, this fear of aging isn’t limited to those approaching or experiencing midlife. Younger generations, particularly Gen Z, also express significant anxiety about getting older. A recent article discusses why Gen Z is so afraid of aging, highlighting concerns about physical appearance and societal expectations . This fear is often fueled by a culture that idolizes youth and beauty, perpetuating the idea that aging is something to dread.
Bachelor Nation and Midlife
In my experience with Bachelor Nation, I’ve seen firsthand how these fears manifest. Contestants in their late 20s and early 30s often express concerns about finding love before they get “too old,” illustrating how deeply ingrained these societal pressures are. This mindset can make the prospect of midlife seem even more daunting.
Voices from the Street
I recently took to the streets to ask people about their thoughts on midlife. The responses were varied but insightful. Many people viewed midlife as a time of opportunity and growth, while others echoed the more negative societal views. This contrast highlights the importance of challenging and reshaping the narrative around midlife.
QVC – Age of Possibilities
One positive perspective comes from QVC’s campaign, “Age of Possibilities,” which encourages people to see midlife as a time of new beginnings and opportunities. This shift in mindset can help combat the negative stereotypes and fears associated with aging.
NFLM – Not Feeling Like Myself
On the flip side, there’s the concept of NFLM, or “Not Feeling Like Myself,” which captures the identity struggles many people face during midlife. This feeling can stem from the physical and emotional changes that occur during this time, as well as the societal pressure to conform to certain standards.
Men Age Like Fine Wine, Women Are Spoiled Milk
A particularly damaging stereotype is the idea that “men age like fine wine, while women are spoiled milk.” This phrase, unfortunately, reflects a pervasive double standard in how aging is perceived for men and women. It’s also a concern for Gen Z, who fear that aging will negatively impact their social and professional lives.
My Personal Midlife Journey
As you can see, society has some strong opinions about aging, many of which are rooted in fears. Letting those fears drive us makes it no surprise that people are dreading this stage of life.
I am in the midst of my personal journey through midlife, and it’s been riddled with challenges:
- Infertility
- Early Perimenopause
- Decreased Libido
- Hair Loss
- Sleep Issues
- Hormone Replacement Therapy
- Breast Reduction Surgery
I am sharing all of this with you because I want you to know that I am on this journey with you. As a psychologist, I was baffled at the lack of support women are experiencing at every angle of this journey. I knew I had to pivot and come alongside my fellow females to bring you the best advisors and psychological support you need to own your best midlife.
What Psychology Says About Midlife
As a psychologist, I want to bring you the best information on what psychology says about this time in midlife. Let’s dig into some psychology on midlife.
Starting around the 40s, both men and women discover that their primary roles in relationships are changing. Their parents are aging and now need to be taken care of, while their kids are grown and don’t require the same kind of assistance. Midlife is a period of happy stress at work and at home, and most midlifers don’t want to be told how to feel about it .
Many people base their belief in a midlife crisis on the U-shaped midlife happiness curve, insisting that happiness bottoms out in one’s 40s and 50s. However, it’s more likely that they would experience a slight dip in overall satisfaction before recovering, looking more like a wobbly line, if studies examined a larger and more comprehensive dataset that reflected actual experiences. In other words, people don’t have to feel unhappy in middle age, much less experience a midlife crisis; instead, they can enjoy midlife as another season in a hopefully long and fulfilling life .
Let’s Defy the Curve
Let’s defy or flip this curve. Let’s get support, admit it’s happening, and not continue letting this U-curve lead us into despair in our next chapter. Embracing midlife can be empowering. By changing our mindset and seeking support, we can thrive in this season.
Thank you for joining me on this journey. Remember, midlife is not the end; it’s just another chapter in our lives. Let’s make it a great one.